#the real reason why i write is because it’s cheaper than therapy

[pucksandpower]

I know Formula 1 is a business but have they considered that I’m attached to drivers and when bad things happen to my favorites I want to cry?

[mareliini]

(I post most of my art in insta nowadays. No link, but it's mareliiini, with three "i"s.)

Time to say final goodbyes to this hell year, as well for a full decade of art..

Year summary: like previous year, finding stuff to fill up some months was hard. I've had some big art bursts in early jan-feb, summer, and during autumn, when i produced several pieces in one sitting before fading into obscurity of life and knitting for months. My artistic balance has relied on to comic making schedule, honestly since 2011, so without that constant flow of crunching up pages weekly I was left wandering amiss and motivationless. I've always made a rule for myself with these yearly summaries, that I wont use comic pages unless there's nothing else that month to fill it up, and this year I couldn't even rely on that.

Decade summary: Started filling up the latter monstrosity of a dA meme back in 2014 and filling it up has been a yearly tradition ever since. It is so wild looking back. 2011 I had been in Uni for a year and haven't really drawn "seriously" ever, outside of private diary doodles and plastering my room with fish art (do not ask me about my finding nemo phase please) and surrealist charcoal renderings. Reliable access to internet and fandoms, and the whole culture of creating in those spaces is really what made me draw more reliably in the first place.

Home was always filled with art supplies (comes with dad being professional oil painter with a severe case of procrastination syndrome), so in a sense I've been priviledged for early and easy access to those... many gouaches and dip pen nibs I use still, are stolen from home drawers, not that I'd had had money to buy completely new art tech supplies on the fly. Only in recent years I've been comfortable enough with my income, that I could purchase better quality watercolor papers and ink sets, and not feel bad for using them regularily. For comic pages I still use cheaper paper, though that has been upgraded several times since the cheapest sketchbook paper I started with. You don't need Big Quality to make Good Art, but it makes the experience of making it a bit more fun.

Looking back, 2014 and 2015 seems to be most important turnaround time. I was breaking away from the mold I'd created my art identity around of, and growing tired of having story ideas but no original characters. I've had some in the early teen years, but I'd been comfortable for years with using pre-set characters from whatever fandom I was into at the time. And there's nothing wrong with that, I say as an avid fanfic reader, but at some point with making Hey it's summer! the frustration between story I wanted to tell and feel proud of, and the set of characters I had decided to work with, to the point of them being almost oc's in the au world, it just put everything in halt. I'm never going to finish HiS! because I cannot finish it with those characters, and cannot remove the story entirely from it's fandom roots even by made-up ocs. 2014 was largely spent on focusing oc's... I created a bunch of grandma characters for a story I'll never be clever enough to write, and then accidentally stumbled upon Jooel in a dream I wrote up and continued later (yeah they're there in 2014 row). I think most of Bus cast was created in that year, but I didn't have clear enough plan for it (and never had even during writing) untill some years and one cloud comic later.

2015 was Big Year for original writing, as well for everything else. Which is why I have to bring it up. As short detour as the tau fandom was, it granted me the first real friend group online, one which is still together now, give or take a few changes and dramas. It wasn't the main reason, but one of the big ones for me to get proper smart phone to keep connected to them outside evenings (biggest reason was neko atsume..... i wanted to feed my cats....). Cloud story was a wild experience I can never replicate, but also a memory I will always remember fondly. 2015 also was the year I started my three years government supported therapy, which I believe affected Bus a lot. I was really tired and couldn't bother to spent time to look for the perfect fit, so I ended up with a therapist who uh, I guess helped? some? Would not recommend my tactic but it was best I could do at the time. Before that bus had never been more than wild ride of found family tropes frollocing around finnish highways, it was a roadtrip story at heart with supposed collection of small moments of each character, of local problems and stories and people they meet with 4 equally written main characters. Therapy thethered it to one character and one town with whisps of its origin, but it provided a big supplement for the somewhat-working therapy sessions.

[mithranqueersmusings]

Before This Dance Is Through IX

Chapter: 9/16

Rating: U

Summary: Ringo's being going through a dry spell for the last year or so and when he regretfully tells his best friend John, he insists on taking them to an all-male strip club for some "fun". Ringo isn't sure whether it's the alcohol, his desperation or a mixture of the two but he thinks he might be falling in love with a stripper.

Tags: AU - Strippers, Modern Setting, Smut, Slow Burn

Pairings: George Harrison/Ringo Starr, John Lennon/Paul McCartney

AO3 link here / Fic masterlist here

"I'll leave you out here to have your little tantrum, alright? I'll be inside when you've calmed down." John spat, quickly storming back into the club without giving a second glance to his friend.

What was his problem? Tonight was supposed to be fun. John always seemed to encounter that problem: whenever he was trying to have a good time, which was almost all of the time, someone had to go and ruin it by getting upset over something or making everything all serious for no real reason. He was sick of it, even if Ringo was his best friend he wasn't going to put up with tonight being derailed.

Ringo's words had stung him deeply, as much as he wasn't willing to admit it, even to himself. John had heard time and time again that he wasn't sympathetic enough, but he didn't view himself that way; more often than not people didn't even tell him what their problems were then would suddenly explode out of nowhere and blame him for not noticing the fuse being lit. Ringo rarely did, this was one of the few occasions he let his emotions get the better of him and John didn't have the patience, not tonight.

There was only one person left who'd give him the time of day right now, and that was Paul. John shoved his way through the crowds more aggressively than he needed to, but it at least felt good to exert the anger somehow, and asked the first dancer he saw if they'd seen Paul. His name was Stuart, he'd been working at the club the longest therefore he knew John the longest; when he'd first started coming here Stuart had been his favourite, but that all changed when Paul came along. It had gotten past the point of John even needing to ask where Paul was, if any of the workers saw him approaching they immediately knew what question was going to fall from of his lips. That didn't stop John from asking though, just because it was a strip club didn't mean he'd forget his manners. Stuart had given an unsure answer, John always thought he was a little bothered about being replaced by Paul but that might have been his ego talking.

John continued his search, trying to ignore how sticky the carpet was as he tried to move around - whose idea was it to put a carpet in a strip club? It didn't take long to find Paul, he usually always had a crowd of a few people around him and tonight was no exception. As soon as Paul noticed John he politely ended whatever conversation he was having and headed over to him, as he always did. The spat with Ringo had made John forget the reason they were even here tonight, or at least why he was here: to see Paul like this. He looked absolutely breathtaking, if John didn't know any better he would've thought Paul was biologically female. Makeup sculpted his already feminine face, his long eyelashes even longer and darker, his plump lips even plumper. He was wearing the highest heels John had seen so far, a black platform boot which went all the way to his thigh. Over his body was a dusty pink chiffon robe, loosely flowing over his bare arms, which he hadn't shaved much to John's approval. This sight was exactly what he'd been waiting for, and now that he'd seen it all the frustration about what had just happened seemed to melt away.

"You alright, love?" Paul asked, he stepped away from the group he'd been talking to and brushed John's elbow to turn his body to face away from them "Fancy some privacy?"

John let out a weak laugh "I don't have any money." He admitted "I was kinda hoping Ringo was gonna bail me out."

Paul chuckled and John couldn't help watching his coloured lips curl "Is that why you brought him here, so he could pay for your dances?"

"Well it wasn't not the reason." John felt himself easing up already, Paul's hand was still brushing against his arm.

"I can take my break and we can sit in the back, if you want to." Paul quietened his voice a little.

"Sounds like a plan." John never wanted to seem too enthusiastic when Paul suggested this, but he didn't think he did a great job of hiding it.

Paul nodded and started walking around the edge of the stage until he came to a door marked only for staff, he had to punch in a combination on the wall before the door unlocked. This was far from the first time that John had sat with Paul in the back room, in fact he struggled to even remember the first time it'd happened.

As much as John had wanted Ringo to believe he'd only been coming to the club recently, it was a gargantuan lie. John had been coming here for years and the majority of that time had been spent with Paul. The first time they 'met' unfolded with Paul approaching John who had been sulking in a booth surrounded by empty beer bottles. Paul had later explained that he went over to him because he had looked eccentric, with his multicoloured striped trousers and brown fur coat - not to forget the pin.

"Eccentric means one of two things: money or trouble." Paul had explained much later "I don't need to say which one I got from you."

John had been immediately taken with Paul, though he'd never tell that to anyone, with his doe eyes and honeyed voice. When it had gotten to the point that John couldn't afford any dances, Paul had offered a couple for free; the exact wording had been that it'd be put onto John's tab, but so much time had passed since then and no such tab had been paid off. Eventually though, Paul made it clear that this imaginary tab wasn't limitless and that he couldn't make a living off of charity. John had been determined to find a way around it but money hadn't been easy to come by for him at the time, no publisher was interested in his poems and he had no clue what to write his next book about. Paul had caught wind of this, namely because John had gotten drunk and complained about the abysmal condition of his life, and thus a strange new transaction began. Paul loved poetry, and there was no joy greater than discovering a work that nobody else had read before and through John he was able to experience this joy over and over again.

When Paul had suggested to John that he could pay him in poetry, he burst into a fit of laughter that didn't subside for several minutes at least. Once he realised Paul was being serious, the most productive writing period of his life began. The two of them never discussed the poems themselves, it all transpired like an illegal art deal as John would hand over the shabby piece of paper and Paul would accept it with a smile, slipping it into his pocket - or wherever he could fit it - then would lead John away to a private space. Unfortunately, the love Paul had for John's poems wasn't going to pay the bills either and even this had to come to a halt. Yet all was not lost, for Paul had discovered very quickly that when John was craving to see him, he wasn't really desperate for a lapdance, rather he just wanted some intimacy with someone, someone who couldn't express any judgement. This realisation led Paul to inviting John into the staff room, it wasn't completely unheard of for dancers to do this but it was mostly reserved for friends rather than customers, where the two of them would sit and chat over a drink or two.

It was policy to keep a bottle of alcohol in the staff room at all times, just in case of emergencies. But as the manager wouldn't allow anything to be taken from the bar, it meant an array of cheap and often obscure liqours being brought into the room.

"What have we got tonight?" John asked as they took seats by the mirror - luckily Paul was always here to distract John's gaze so he could avoid looking at himself.

Paul stuck his head under the countertop and returned clutching a bottle "Amaretto, it looks like." He read.

"That's barely alcohol." John scoffed as Paul set up two glasses in front of them "Well, at least I can drink it straight."

"Think we need to make a rule that if it's not at least 30% it shouldn't be under the counter." Paul suggested as he poured a healthy amount for the both of them.

John was already drunk enough, but he was never one to turn down free alcohol. They cheersed one another and drank a fair bit before slamming the glasses back down. There was nobody else in the room, as was often the case on a busy night like tonight. Before John had laid eyes on it, he'd expected the changing room to be some kind of kinky sex dungeon with whips and chains on the wall, so naturally he'd been very disappointed to see it was like any other changing room, except with a lot more glitter and a better smell.

"So, do you wanna talk about it?" Paul asked, looking at John through the reflection of the mirror.

Their chats almost always started this way, John had noticed that very early on. Whatever answer he gave, Paul would always respect it. He never understood why Paul just let him ramble on about his problems, or expect Paul to ramble on to distract him from said problems. In the end he supposed it was cheaper than therapy, he could only suppose since he'd never actually been.

"I'd love to, but I can't really. Ringo would kill me." John explained with a sullen look.

"I understand." Paul smiled softly "Whatever's happened I'm sure it'll be fine, you've been friends forever after all."

"For sure." John mumbled, and that was Paul's cue to begin the distractions.

"Tonight's been a right ballache, no pun intended." Paul began inspecting himself in the mirror "When I suggested it, everyone was all for it and now it's all 'Paul, my feet hurt' or 'Paul, this bra makes me look fat'."

"I think it was a great idea." John took another swig of his drink, his eyes were focused on Paul's reflection.

"Oh yeah? And how would you rate the illusion out of ten?" Paul smirked.

"Ten." John answered bluntly "If I was straight, I'd be having a right crisis after seeing you."

"It's a good thing you're not then." Paul rummaged around in a bag that was on the counter, eventually pulling out some mascara and touching up his makeup "I've just had the best idea."

"You'll never charge me for a dance again?" John suggested with a grin.

"You wish, love." Paul winked "No, what I actually had in mind was trying some of this makeup on your lovely face."

John paused "And why would you wanna do that?"

"It'll be fun! Don't you want to see what you'll look like properly done up? I bet you'd make a pretty girl." Paul urged, he was already laying out his makeup out.

"I've worn makeup before, Paul." John stated somewhat defensively.

"Eyeliner and tinted lipbalm doesn't count." Paul retorted, gesturing with the tube of mascara.

John sighed in resignation, scooting his chair a little closer to Paul's, who beamed in excitement. It was moments like this that made John want to question exactly what this dynamic was, he wanted to avoid the word relationship at all costs. On the one hand they saw one another every week or so, always dropped whatever they were doing to speak to the other and had spent hours of time doing nothing in particular besides chatting and laughing. Yet they'd never exchanged numbers, they didn't even know each other's last names and neither of them had explicitly expressed that they enjoyed spending time with one another. Sometimes John thought Paul did it merely to keep him as a loyal customer, and once he realised he wasn't going to be getting any money from him in the future he'd drop him in an instant. But here Paul was spending his only break trying to cheer John up, he didn't even need John to tell him that something was wrong, he just knew. Perhaps John had gotten so angry with Ringo because he'd been able to admit what John had never been able to. Perhaps.

The two of them continued talking and joking with one another as Paul delicately painted John's face. He'd almost finished John's second eye when his phone suddenly vibrated. John didn't need to check it to know it was Ringo, most likely apologising, and so he paid no notice to it. All of this would've blown over by the morning, he saw no point in dealing with it now.

"Aaaand done." Paul announced proudly, he leaned back in his chair to get a better look at his work and his smile only grew.

"This better not inflate my ego any further, I've already got enough issues because of that." John prefaced before he turned to look at himself in the mirror.

The sight absolutely stunned him. Naturally he had to move a little closer to the mirror so that he could get a proper look, a strip club was the last place he'd ever wear his glasses. Most interesting was how Paul had almost painted his own face onto John's, it was like looking at some strange feminine hybrid of the two of them. What John loved most was the eyes, how smoky and alluring Paul had made them.

"After all these years of people telling me to go fuck myself, I can safely say that I would." John turned his face from side to side to get a full view.

"You look gorgeous, John. But that's nothing new." Paul's eyes were filled with joy as he watched John's reaction.

"You're proper good at this, maybe when you get too old for stripping you could be a make up artist." John suggested jokingly which earned him a glare from Paul.

"The day I get too old for stripping is the day you earn a steady wage." Paul quipped back, the two of them began laughing before the door suddenly opened dramatically.

Behind the door was Stuart looking fairly alarmed, it was no surprise that he knew to find the two of them back here. He didn't even question why John was currently covered in makeup, it wasn't the strangest thing he'd caught them doing.

"Bloody fight's just broken out." Stuart explained as he walked into the room, Paul immediately rose up from his seat.

"What happened?" Paul asked desperately.

"I dunno. Two lads just started going at it, think Spike might've been involved." Stuart explained "They've both been kicked out now, it's all fine. Just thought you'd like to know."

"Nothing worse than missing a good fight." John added, he thought that Stuart had been speaking more to him than to Paul.

Just as Stuart opened his mouth to speak, the door opened again, and Spike walked in. He paused when confronted with the sight of everyone looking at him, as though they'd been expecting for him to show up.

"If you stare any longer I'll have to charge." Spike made his way over to his locker and began to change, he didn't seem phased by John being able to see him.

"What happened? Are you alright?" Paul walked over to him, inspecting his face and arms for any damage.

"I'm fine. Some prick just got a little too big for his boots and someone stepped in to help." Spike turned to look at John "It was your friend, actually."

"Not very bloody likely." John gaped "Are you sure?"

"Short guy with a beard. Wears a lot of rings." Spike detailed "That's him isn't it?"

"Shit." John sat back in his chair and let out a heavy sigh "Didn't think he'd go that mental."

"Someone's gonna have to cover my last dance cause I'm not going out there again tonight." Spike ignored John's words and focused on Paul and Stuart "I'm sick of these creeps, I tell you."

"I'll cover for you." Stuart responded almost immediately "Are you gonna be alright?"

"I can get you an Uber home." Paul chimed in, looking around for his phone.

"No, no, it's fine." Spike paused and took in a deep breath "I just need to get out of here."

He'd changed out of his previous outfit, it couldn't really be described as clothing, then headed back over to the door. With a quiet muttering of goodbye, he was gone. Stuart soon followed after him, he didn't tend to stick around too long when Paul and John were on their own. Paul sighed as he sunk back down in his seat, any time anything like this happened it always took a toll on him; it just brought up memories of all the times something similar had happened to him. Now wasn't the time to dwell, not when he was meant to be making John feel better, who was currently gazing off into space.

"Are you gonna go looking for him?" Paul asked, more of a suggestion than a mere question.

"Nah." John sighed, picking up his recently refilled glass "Sounds like he's in a right state, I'd probably only make him worse."

"You should text him at least, it'll make him feel better." Paul pressed his hand onto John's knee.

John paused "You're right." He breathed then pulled his phone from out of his pocket.

Ringo responded almost immediately which was a good sign, it meant he wasn't completely pissed off with John. As much as he knew Ringo wasn't going to take him up on his offer to head home with him if he'd been refused entry, he offered it all the same. All this was very much rehearsed, up until the next message Ringo sent. He was going out for drinks? With who? Wait.

"No fucking way." John almost gasped which alarmed Paul.

"What? What?" Paul leaned forward to try and get a view of the phone.

"He's going for drinks with Spike." A huge smile spread across John's face "Ringo, you bastard."

Paul didn't respond immediately, he took a moment to process exactly what John had revealed with those words and how in retrospect everything then made sense. Instead he picked up the rapidly emptying bottle and topped up their glasses.

"Good thing we've got our own drinks here." Paul said somewhat quietly, then picked up his glass to cheers with John once more.

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be." John mocked, but both of them knew all to well that he wasn't joking, it was probably the most genuine thing he'd said all night.

[ziamhaze]

Hi, I hope you're well! I just want to start off by thanking you for all the wonderful fics you have blessed me with!

I just finished Red vs. Black and was hoping you wouldn't mind answering some questions I have. As someone who risks his own life to save others, how does Liam justify being with someone he knows has killed innocent people? It'd be one thing if Zayn had only killed those directly involved with what happened to his family, but he's killed innocent civilians over minor inconveniences (such as the teenagers in the convertible). Does Zayn still think he is justified in doing so? Does he ever feel guilty about it? If not, how would Liam and Zayn be compatible if their moral compasses are so different?

Also, did Zayn's father ever make his way to the UK? Or was that just a lie he told Zayn to comfort him? Does Zayn ever find his family, especially his younger sister?

I know it's a lot, but I'd really love to hear your answers if you want to give them! Again thank you for all of your wonderful works!

So sorry it’s taken me this long to reply, but I didn’t forget!

To start I’d like to thank you for clicking, and finishing, Red vs. Black.  It isn’t the shortest of fics, nor is it the most delicate - to put it lightly.  For the latter alone, thank you.

These are such poignant, important questions.  Ones that are nearly word for word what I asked myself while planning the ending.

                         SPOILERS FOR ALL OF RED VS. BLACK

1)  How does Liam stay with Zayn after learning of all his senseless killings?

Honestly, I questioned this the most when feeling out the concept.  As a fic writer it’s expected of me to write not only a romance, but also a happy ending.  Of course fics exist that do neither, but they’re very rare and not exactly well-loved.  And truthfully, a massive point that I wanted to get across - and which in effect answers this question - is that despite people’s pasts, they cannot overcome them without being given the opportunity.  100%.  No ands, ifs, or buts.  For a prisoner to assimilate back into society and not go back to their old ways, they need to be trusted with a job.  With a salary (no matter how small), they need to trust themselves to be able to not buy anything that may contribute to poor habits: drugs, alcohol, weapons, gambling, a means of transport that will give them the ability to visit bad influences (more of a psychological thing, but still).  A lot of prisoners are never given this opportunity (especially in the United States), and therefore fall back into their old ways, which are more often than not coping mechanisms to deal with the fact that they can’t fit into society as easily as privileged people to begin with; it’s a terrible cycle.  However, there are plenty of success stories of those that truly wish to change and are lucky enough to stumble upon an employer or mentor or sponsor of some sort that hands them an inkling of hope/trust that they use to fight their way back up.  The fic is fantasy, and while Zayn’s story is rooted in real world PTSD, I think the prisoner analogy is easy for us to envision and therefore, understand why Liam acts the way he does.  I also made it a point in the last scene when they’re talking things out to have Liam voice his contingency: if Zayn so much as spits at anyone, he’s done for.  That’s to say, he’s not wiping his slate clean just yet.

2)  Does Zayn still feel his useless killings were justified?

I’m going to answer assuming that you’re referring to the time after the fic ends.

Looking back at his actions is something that would be inevitable when he starts therapy, and this is a perfect example of one of the questions his therapist would ask.  You may not like my answer, but as an author I find it imperative that I speak of my characters realistically and to keep them true, not how I want them to act.  That said, yes, Zayn would still find justification in why he’s done what he’s done.

There are a few instances in the story where this is actually explained.  Take the scene in the bar with fancy mixologists.  Zayn begins to get aggravated over the people in the room simply because they’re ignorant to the feeling of significant pain.  There’s also the scene where he’s back home in Cheshire and Harry straight out tells him, he may be furious at the unfairness of the world, but he needs to learn how to come to terms with it.  It’s not going to change.  This right here is what a therapist would work with him to do, and also why I had Harry be the one to bring this up in the story - he is one.

I know it sounds incredibly foreign to the average person, but trust me when I say that people struggling with anger problems founded in (un)fairness, exist.  I’ve spoken with professionals about it.  Add on crippling childhood PTSD and a villain like Zayn can definitely be born.  It’s why treatment is needed, and why the answer is ‘yes’ in the beginning of Zayn’s journey to peace.  When his answer switches over to ‘no’, that’s when it’ll be outwardly apparent that he’s beating his ailment.  Unfortunately, for many, the inner battle with mental health is lifelong; the answer ‘no’ will never turn solid.

3)  Does Zayn feel guilty about the above?

Again, there are a couple times when I write Zayn to literally mention how he feels zero guilt.  However, if you really really pay attention you’ll notice that these instances aren’t villain related.

For example, meeting Liam’s parents:

After handing his father and Zayn each their tea, Liam looks between them suspiciously. "Leaving the two of you in a room together was a bad idea."

"Don't know what you're on about," Geoff replies innocently. "We were just talking about cars, weren't we Zayn?" Even with all eyes on him, the pressure of lying doesn't get to Zayn. It never does.

"Yeah," he agrees, bringing his drink up to his lips carefully, "cars."

Or, after Zayn walks out from the comedy club:

"It takes a lot of courage to get up there and do something like that, don't you think?"

"Not really."

Liam looks to the side, hoping that he can interpret more from Zayn's answers by seeing the expressions that go with their frankness. "So if I signed you up, you would do it?"

"Why would I want to make a room full of strangers laugh?" Zayn retorts, his right eye scrunching up in distaste, like it's a mannerism of his provoked by moronic questions. "I don't have a superiority complex." Liam thinks he might, but. "I know I'm better than those people, no mediocracy to cover up here."

So we’ve got those, but then we’ve also got this massive character point:

Right as the last of the snake's body emerges, Zayn snaps his fingers, triggering heavy hip-hop music to flow through his headphones and drown out the man's blood curdling cry.

If he could permanently damage people who deserved it, not always because they did something to Zayn, but because he liked to play god and throw them a massive curveball like life had done to him, then why shouldn't he? So long as he pulls his soundproof headphones off the little robot on the inside of his right arm to avoid listening to the pain his choice brutality caused, there's no valid reason he shouldn't take advantage of the gift he was given.

From where he's sitting, he probably won't be able to hear anything, but he fastens the equipment over his ears just in case.

All at once, the atmospheric sounds of central London, mixed with the terrified screams of those in the burning building beneath them, hit Zayn at full force. The sensory overload alone would normally be enough to piss him off, but tack on his protection from audible trauma being taken and being spoken to while in villain mode, and he's seeing red as deep as the pits of hell he knows he's destined for.

I wrote Zayn’s headphone usage as a way to alert that the reader that he does, in fact, feel villain-related guilt.  He can’t act on his anger without them on.  He’ll have his victims screams stuck in his head, and he’d never be able to handle that a.k.a. there’s zero satisfaction from their literal pain.  Think about that and it’ll answer your follow-up question.

4)  What happened to Zayn’s family?

Zayn’s father meant what he said - he’d do whatever he needed to reunite his family.  That wasn’t a falsity at all.  The problem is money.  And politics, but let’s start with the issue of money.  It took Yaser nine years to save up the amount he paid to have Zayn and Waliyha smuggled across the border.  The whole concept of smuggling is that it’s a cheaper option than the legal one.  So if we look at this, you can see how long it would take him to save for three adult visa fees, three adult plane tickets, and enough to stay afloat for a month or so when they get to England.  Now add in the politics of the early 2000s and the Afghanistan/Pakistan region.  We know that Yaser fixed air conditioners for a living.  No person with that average of a background is going to have an easy time immigrating anywhere.  Even so, would it really take him over 18 years?  While it’s plausible, perhaps a man with such determination would find another way.  Or...was that unnecessary because he was fed lies?

Think about it.  After several weeks and no word from his children, don’t you think he’d cause a riot?  He’s the type to drive over to Badar’s house and demand his relatives get in contact with him to find out what’s going on.  But, given the flashback Zayn has, it’s obvious that Badar never planned on accompanying any of the children to the UK, and if that’s the case, he clearly couldn’t return to Quetta.  I imagine a fully rehearsed story was told to all of the children’s parents about how they were killed somewhere along the way.

As for Waliyha, her whereabouts were told to my gang over on Patreon a while ago.  In short, yes, she’s still alive and I plan on pitching the book’s sequel to publishers as a graphic novel series revolved around her location.  Louis’ dark web bot finally found a hint as to where that might be, so Zayn and Liam go on a journey across Europe to find her.  Each issue would (probably) take place in a new city and involve both fighting a single bad guy.

Just a quick reminder to anyone who reads this, Red vs. Black and all involved characters are my intellectual property and cannot be replicated, manipulated, or stolen.

Again, thank you for your question and time!  I know my fics aren’t short and take a huge time commitment to finish.  If you have any other questions, don’t hesitate to send them my way!  I’m super busy writing the next story and doing critical work, but I promise I’ll get around to it.

[kimyoonmiauthor]

Myka and James Stauffer rehoming a disabled child--What more can you do?

I wrote this once, but then it wouldn’t post. So this is a second time, excuse it if it’s not as eloquent as it should be. I’m an international adoptee, so we’re more affected by this case than most because according to Reuters 2013 more of us are “rehomed” than others. Because of this, I’ve also been following the case since 2010. So all of the people “shocked” by this terminology needs to listen to adoptees. Over the last 10 years or so, I’ve been collecting resources and things YOU as non-adoptees can do to help. This has included listening to Birth Parents, Adoptees, Adoptive Parents, Former Foster Youth, and basically using my Anthropology training to collect a list. I have to remind you that going after the Stauffers alone isn’t enough. We have to go after the systems that enabled them to do this in the first place so this does not happen to another child. I get it. Vigilante justice feels good. It’s short, sweet and you get results and to see the face of the individual. A system doesn’t have a face you can gloat over. But if you really do care, you’d go after prevention and long term change, otherwise your outrage--and I’m including all of those youtubers I had to sort through (which was painful at best, but so goes advocacy), is empty. You only care about your own self-satisfaction rather than the long term cause or the people involved themselves. (My anti-Cancel Crew objections are along this line of thought.) Since I’ve been asked what this looks like and re-pasting it over and over is a pain, I decided to centralize the post with the levels of justification for the action. I get this post is longish, but take the part you need to make that change you want to advocate for.

If you want to take parts of this post, you can take the links without credit, but not the specific words. And don’t take credit for work you didn’t do.

What is Rehoming?

The often legal, but immoral act of placing a child without oversight of the state or government by placing them on the internet or doing backyard deals. We adoptees have been battling facebook pages for years to shut it down. I am not naming them, because I don’t want to encourage the behavior.

This is separate from dissolution of adoption. This is done with home study and legal oversight.

Why is this a Problem?

Adoptive parents go through a long, long process call home study this can take anywhere from a few months to a year. This has evolved over the years. Since this specific case involves international adoption, I’ll do a run down of the evolution of how home study has evolved in the International adoption community. I know it’s dry and boring, but it’s important to understand why the Stauffer case is egregious and why I am holding Holt responsible.

Home study used to be, “Are you Christian?” as done by the Holts. To be clear, social workers and his translator at the time objected to this. His reasoning? He thought all Christians are good people. (Though if you check the qualifiers for genocide by the UN, this is loosely on the list.) Adoptees were lucky to even get half a page.

This resulted in children being put into sex trafficking rings and child slavery. Social workers and Adoptees legislated against the Holts and the restrictions went up. (The whole list of immoral, yet not illegal crimes the organization has done as a whole, is a whole other story. I know it backwards and forwards as an adoptee with dates and countries since I’ve been in the adoptee community since roughly 1999.) This took 20 years from the first children in 1940′s and 1950′s. The home study in the 1970′s was still thin, but the amount of abuse cases went down. By the 1980′s, there was pressure to actually care about the children, so ESWS (one of the Korean agencies) and the other agencies in Korea started pushing for more extensive home studies (at the behest of Adoptees). The packet and requirements were thin. This included things like checking the financials of the family in question. Giving the parents language lessons, and then a packet usually about an inch thick. They would also get family statements and recommendations. A social worker would come and check the safety of the home. By about the 1990′s the packet has increased, and psychological evaluations started to be put into place. There were lists of books added to the list. (I asked Adoptive Parents to help me with this.) These were “suggestions” but no one tested if the prospective parents read them. So the packets given were about 6 inches deep, with the books about a foot. The in-class studies, several honest Adoptive Parents called “laughable” there was no race training at all and most of it was hanging out.

By the early 2000′s, they started to finally let parents of color adopt in larger numbers. (I know) The rehoming had gotten far more decent. The psych evaluations got deeper. They started to exclude criminal activity, do background checks on the parents, and do deeper psych evaluations, requiring deeper studies. But the Adoptive Parents I talked to said they were not getting the support they needed. The agencies weren’t listening on what they needed to parent their child. This is about the time I started collecting a wishlist and sending it to agencies. As far as I’m connected, nothing has really changed since then. The problem with rehoming is that it sets us back to 1950′s rules. All of this progress that Adoptees, Social workers, and well-meaning Adoptive Parents have fought hard for is done in an instant. There is no home study and the former parents get away with it because Adoptees and Foster Kids are not protected by the same laws that children from birth are.

What does this have to do with the Stauffers?

The Stauffers, a few years ago, decided to adopt a kid from China. They are social influencers. So they asked to fund their child’s adoption. They opted to have a child with special needs and by reports “checked 99% of them.” They paid zero for the adoption, and then used him to boost one of their channels and Instagram follower’s accounts. Their channel boosted by a ton of money, such that they could move into a mansion, their “dream home”, go on several large family vacations, made off of publicizing his story for their own “disability savior” points. Some of the videos, however, were problematic.

He was later said to have autism, and was in speech therapy, by Myka who wanted to “save” money on him by bringing him to a cheaper therapist. Despite this, the channel grew.

Then suddenly the boy disappeared from the channel. After months of pressuring her, they released a video saying they had “rehomed” him. The internet was enraged by this and went after her and James Stauffer. They tried to push Myka to receive all the blame to protect James Stauffer’s channel. All of the videos of this little boy were still up and monetized. They came up with a petition to force all of the videos down. The monetized videos came down and a new petition started: https://www.change.org/p/youtube-shut-down-myka-stauffer-s-youtube-account?signed=true

I also started a letter writing campaign to the governor to make sure it was getting investigated. Everyone else posting about it was trying to go after Myka Stauffer, but I wanted legal change. With me and my network, we worked three days straight to finally get an answer and make sure that the boy they had adopted and “rehomed” was safe.

Is Rehoming New?

Internet Amnesia is real. No. It’s been happening to public knowledge since 2010.

There was the NYC case which got turned into a Law and Order Special Victims Unit episode: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/svu-shines-a-light-on-the_b_4735153

There was the Justin Harris case.

There was the Hart case. (They rehomed once and were able to adopt two more times.)

And if you didn’t think it was covered before then there is also:

https://www.today.com/parents/it-takes-more-love-what-happens-when-adoption-fails-918076

https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2018/11/children-who-have-second-adoptions/575902/

https://mljadoptions.com/blog/adoption-rehoming-disruption-dissolution-20140520

I’ve been riding my own state to institute laws against rehoming, and they finally did it, after the Governor vetoed it once, and I chased him about it. You could be a person that does this too.

So What Can I Do to be a Part of the Change? Here is a PDF of the current anti-rehoming laws. Press for the ones in your state to be cleaned up/invented. https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/custody_transfers.pdf Here's contacts for the city where they live if you want to make sure they get justice for him. http://www.delawareohio.net/agendas-motions-summaries-meeting-recordings/meet-city-council-2/ You can contact Governor Mike DeWine and ask him to do something similar to this law https://www.writing.ucsb.edu/sites/secure.lsit.ucsb.edu.writ.d7/files/sitefiles/publications/2010_Sho.pdf which would give Huxley 90% of the earnings in a trust fund and protect the other Stauffer kids: https://governor.ohio.gov/wps/portal/gov/governor/contact The petition to take down their videos is here (They shifted their channels, but still have Huxley's content up.): https://www.change.org/p/youtube-demand-the-stauffers-remove-all-monetized-content-ft-huxley-from-their-youtube-channel?recruiter=1095019618

There is a more strict petition here: https://www.change.org/p/youtube-shut-down-myka-stauffer-s-youtube-account?signed=true There is a federal law that's been in the works since about 2015, when the Justin Harris case broke. Langevin has been trying to get it passed. It has bipartisan support.  https://langevin.house.gov/press-release/bipartisan-bill-will-protect-adopted-children-rehoming He is the one that said that cats and dogs have more protections than adoptees or foster care youth have. 

https://willbrownsberger.com/rehoming-of-adopted-children/

Send them love and support for working on this for so long. I think if people really, really did care, they'd call their Senators and make sure they are supporting this bill (It has bipartisan support): https://www.senate.gov/senators/How_to_correspond_senators.htm

Why and How to Hold Holt Responsible

Holt wasn’t responsible for the placement of this young boy. However, he is still their charge. When they absorbed the other agency, they should have checked on their charges and made sure they were doing well. But they didn’t.

This seems like a mild crime in most people’s eyes, but case after case, their failure to give Adoptive Parents support and check on them has resulted in a huge list of them saying, “This is unfortunate.”, but then not changing their contracts and trying to clean up the system they perpetuate. Since they are the largest of the International Adoption agencies, they also could set an example, by say, not enabling people to adopt on repeat from them if they’ve rehomed a child. (Shouldn’t their records show that?) and creating a network of adoption agencies to prevent abuse and rehoming so the Hart case doesn’t repeat.

https://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/18/nyregion/chinas-adoption-scandal-sends-chills-through-families-in-united-states.html https://books.google.com/books?id=ABEoAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA224&lpg=PA224&dq=Holt+International+abuse&source=bl&ots=3tvNla8X2x&sig=ACfU3U00GO4BzWMLUnU9dnI_EYqy1VwilA&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi546nirOvpAhV3HzQIHWTwCow4ChDoATAFegQIDBAB#v=onepage&q=Holt%20International%20abuse&f=false And this is the complete list: http://poundpuplegacy.org/node/6194

Their contact:

https://www.holtinternational.org/contactus.php

But what do I ask for?

I compiled this list with the help of Adoptive Parents who have dealt with Holt before.

- Psych evaluations to take out the Narcissistic people (though stop selling it as a Savior Project would also help.) - Check their parenting styles--some styles do and some styles don't work for adoptees because of the initial trauma. - Minimum Foster Care training.

Many adopters go the rehoming route because they believe the Foster Care system is broken and listen to the news. It is, but they should work with Social Workers because Backyard deals are less than that. Obama (no matter how you feel about him) suggested Foster Care training for all Adoptive Parents which is more rigorous than home study for most states (though this also needs revision). - Make them learn the language of the adoptee they are adopting for at least one year (where it applies and they would have to pass with a C or better.) This is mostly so they learn the cultural standards of the country and it helps cement ideas about socialization as well that is hard to describe otherwise. - Holt specifically forbids Adoptive Parents from contacting Foster Parents after placement--reverse that.  Adoptive Parents had to work around them and those that did had better outcomes for their child. Often the Foster Parents were eager to help. - Adoption agencies would be required with any international adoption to give a run down from the foster parents of some basics of socialization (for the country), and maybe some basic training. This would be interactive. (as supposed to the next item)

- Give a basic rundown sheet of things to help the child transition from standard socialization practices. How to comfort the child? What specific foods was the child eating? Is there a brand of detergent that was used in their original home? Where does the child sleep? What are their sleeping hours? What type of clothes do they wear? Things people take for granted and think are universal. Anthropologists and Foster Parents could help with this. - For parents taking on disabilities, they should be required prior to encounter the disability and meet more seasoned parents currently dealing with the disability in question--especially adoptive parents. So they can ask questions, network and really, really see if they can handle it. Don't take their word for it. - Adoptees, PoC, etc and any other diversity labels involved with the child should be required to be in close contact with them. i.e. not the internet. Basic race, etc training should apply and they have to pass a test.

-Check on the Adoptee after placement.

After Adoption care. Several APs said they would have really liked this, but then they were left in the dark. In fact their agencies gave them zero support. And the baby would cry and cry and they were totally lost on what to do. They were lost on which experts to ask, and who they could contact. This is unacceptable. Dogs and cats get more checks and aftercare than human children.

On the consequences end,

Child trafficking and Abandonment--Holt should press for those laws. APs that care are for this. They said, why aren’t there these laws?

Also any adopters that rehome would be banned from adopting again, and they would be added to a general blacklist and spread that information to other agencies.

Through this dissolution of adoption should be the key.

If they break the contract, you can sue.

Lastly, don’t believe you are alone. Your anger can make change. At least let your anger last long enough to make this change to the laws so we adoptees don’t have to hear next year how people are shocked yet again by another rehoming case. Be the change the world needs. You aren’t helpless.

[eisforeidolon]

Episode: Atomic Monsters

I watched this at least a week ago, but just didn't get around to rewriting my notes into a post 'til now.  I did actually find this the best episode so far, but lets be real, that's such a low bar to clear at this point it says basically nothing.

The opening sequence is really fun!  I found the whole thing genuinely enjoyable, both the action itself and that it included exactly the kind of return cameo I can actually get behind.  No retcons or resurrections that make death somehow even cheaper or ruin the original finish to the character's story!  Not even to mention that, instead of existing just for the sheer fanservice of it?  A sequence like this is actively improved by giving us a familiar face we have investment in to keep it from being all just random unfamiliar cannon fodder getting offed.

Unfortunately, this isn't the rousing endorsement it could be when we know that both expanding to a big action sequence and bringing Benny back for it were actually Jensen's ideas.  Not even to mention that the thing which really works best in the episode?  It's the dream sequence that's not actually connected to anything else and doesn't have to worry about continuity to work. This is my surprised face.

I enjoyed the exchange between Sam and Dean in the kitchen.  The meat man conversation over the bacon was rather silly, but in a fun way. I've seen some people reading things into it (it's insulting Dean doesn't know the slang, Sam is randomly vegetarian now) that I didn't really see there.  I did appreciate how Sam was weirdly jumpy and had trouble meeting Dean's eyes after the creepy alternate world dream.  I thought it worked really well for both slice-of-life and Sam’s reaction.

In terms of the Winchester's case, well, for the most part it could have been worse.  I don't honestly believe even if I hadn't been spoiled that I wouldn't have immediately suspected the parents from their introductory exchange about how Billy playing in the big game was more important than a cheerleader's death.  I think it was supposed to be a retroactive subtle clue, but it was more of a clue-by-four.  So the “mystery” of tracking down the monster was pretty lost on me.  I did like that the one girl having braces was a clue!  But I also thought the scene with her rehearsing her speech on a live mic in an empty auditorium was weird and contrived.  I straight out cannot forgive that a girl was literally abducted from the school campus and NOBODY checked the security footage near her car fucking IMMEDIATELY well before Sam & Dean.  C'mon.  Then, of course, a couple random middle-aged suburbanite humans get the drop on Sam and Dean, because Dabbernatural really just loves to make them incompetent so plots happen.

Then the big reveal and blah blah blah, kid accidentally ate his girlfriend.  WHAT WERE WE SUPPOSED TO DO???  Um, maybe try not being scumbags?  Idiotic scumbags at that, abducting a second girl from their son's own school instead of somebody that wouldn't be missed or even, hey, maybe encouraging him to try harder not to eat people.  Don't try to sell me on this pseudo hallmark 'but they just love him so much' bullshit.  At least the kid has more self-awareness and conscience than his fuckwad parents.  

Then we get to the infuriating character assassination part of the programme.  Having Sam and Dean say that they'd do the same thing as the dad for Jack their “son”?  Fuck you very much, show.  I could maybe, maybe, see Sam or Dean kidnapping and draining the life out of an innocent to save the other at their most desperate worst.  Though I think the only time they even really get close to that kind of an actively, knowingly evil choice is with Doc Benton.  Not only do I not buy for a second that they would do that for the totally-really-their-actual-child-for-reasons albatross Dabbernatural has shoehorned into their lives?  Struggling to do the right thing even when it hurts used to actually mean something – it was always a very important qualifier that while Sam or Dean might make that choice, the other would not let them.  So having them both agree this kind of straight up villainy would be a-okay for oh-so-totally-loveable-no-really-woobie-blob Jack ...

Like carelessly assassinating every human in the BMoL headquarters, it fundamentally fails to understand what it is that keeps Sam and Dean from being the monsters.  Hint: it's not just that the show centers around them.  “We do the ugly thing so that people can live happy” - these moronic hacks seem to be actually trying to parallel Sam and Dean saving innocent victims and the world to human monsters that were going to selfishly help their son eat his way through the entire goddamn cheerleading squad.  Am I getting this wrong somehow?  Is there some other, less appalling, reading here that I'm missing? This whole scene honestly made me nauseous.

They talkity-talk on for a while longer, but it's really not much better.  Sam declaring that God was totally done with them was the writers putting those words in his mouth based on nothing.  At it’s very best, it was Sam’s bad habit of convincing himself conclusions he’s come to are true because he wants them to be.  So them both just deciding to believe it's true after Chuck has admitted to orchestrating their entire lives … I'm not sure if we should conclude the Winchesters have brain damage or if that's just the writers.  Especially when the underlying reason for it is nothing more compelling than , “Watch the Winchesters see-saw on the angst fulcrum completely at random!  Yay!”  If this was actually well written, there would be some precipitating reason for Sam to suddenly be the one being all fatalistic while Dean is accepting.  Instead, the writers  just slap some coin-flipped angst angst angst on the page and meander on in a supposedly forward direction.

So then there's the other half of the episode, the Becky storyline. Am I the only one a little disturbed that Becky's first reaction to seeing Chuck was to look scared and try to run away?  Like, they're exes and all, sure, but she doesn't know any of the god stuff yet – I think the only thing she even says about their breakup is that Chuck dumped her.  Is that reaction supposed to be yet another bit of “new canon” showing how Chuck was just that terrible all along? But then she does let him in, so maybe we're just supposed to take it as Becky still having a tendency towards dramatics?  I honestly don't know, but it was weird to me.  

I do genuinely love that they had Becky go to therapy and realize just how absolutely fucked up what she'd done was and ultimately sort herself out to become someone who seems to be a well-balanced adult. A well balanced adult that didn't have to give up being a fan for that!  Seriously, kudos to the writers for this, because 7.08 is such a loathsome episode that otherwise ruins Becky as a character.   Though I do have to nitpick a bit – while I get that they wanted to put SPN merch in Becky's home as a callout to her still being a superfan?   In the show's universe, Chuck's books were never that popular, so I'm having some suspension of disbelief issues that there would be Funkos for them.  We could pretend they were customs, but she's got at least one Impala, so even that doesn't quite work.  I'm not entirely sure who “people only want them sitting around doing laundry anyway” is a dig at, but I'm giving it the side eye.  

I also am not entirely sure what to make of Chuck's whole no one needs me I kinda hate me I'm all lost and don't know what to doooooo shtick.  Is this a game he's playing?  Is he really that wishy-washy? Did some of Dabb's sad internal monologue as showrunner somehow end up in a script by accident?  

He goes on like that and laments he's lost the Winchester's trust and had words with them or whatever, and then he zaps Becky and her family away at the end.  Like, if he cared enough about Becky to care about her opinion, why does he turn on her, too, just like that?  I guess we're supposed to see it as him having found his mojo in her space and vanishing her because taking over her space that's working for him currently is his latest whim.  I suppose they're intending to show Chuck as just being that capricious and flighty, but I don't know that it works for me.  The way they've been writing him he's acting so randomly and impulsively that it's kind of unbelievable he can even sit still at a keyboard long enough to write another Sam and Dean installment.  Again, I definitely find it unbelievable that the Chuck they're giving us now would be capable of playing the long game that he would have had to for him to be actively behind everything.  Until he suddenly got impatient and lazy and popped up in the cemetery at the end of the last finale ... for reasons … and is now just … like that … because.

Not to mention that his powers are, big shock, just as arbitrary as everyone else's in the current show.  He can't actually see what is happening to Sam and Dean because of the bullet sapping his power or whatever, but we're supposed to be worried about the ominous ending he's writing for them because … he's got those god powers to make it happen, I guess?  Uh...

I will grant that the ominous bobbing of Sam and Dean Funkos' heads to Chuck's furious typing was a wonderfully foreboding shot to end on.  

[originallandlockedmariner]

“I write for me. No one else. Not for her. Not for them. Not for likes. In fact, the pieces that often resonate deepest in me get very little attention. I kinda like that. I realize many people write to help others, to entertain or to inform. All extremely valid. Perhaps that’s some of what my twaddle is about but it’s not the ‘why’. I was once told writing is like being pie-eyed and feeling like you need to puke. Maybe that what writing is? Downing big gulps of life until you can’t hold it in anymore and need to spew. Maybe. Maybe not? I just like the visual honestly.

I think my reason lies somewhere between Cormac McCarthy’s “I don’t know why I started writing. I don’t know why anybody does it. Maybe they’re bored, or failures at something else.” and Harper Lee’s insightful “Any writer worth his salt writes to please himself…It’s a self-exploratory operation that is endless.” It’s like a tick or something. I’ll pull the car over and write, forego lunch and write, lay in bed and write until I can’t fight sleep anymore. My constant companion. As I’ve said before, umpteen times, most of my words are pedestrian drivel. I have never ever been a very good or talented wordsmith. Most of what I write is pedestrian... mostly garbage actually. I prattle on, pretend that I’m witty and insightful, but honestly, it is nothing worthy of discussion. And yet, I write daily. My verbal diarrhea. Besides, I was once told that the woods would be very silent if no bird sang there except those that sang best. So, I write. Poorly, but I write nonetheless.

Obviously theres the question of why post then if it’s for me? Narcism? Bloated sense of self importance? Or perhaps just to have place to journal/keep/save my words? To file away and revisit when needed. Self Counseling. It’s more ‘blind leading the blind’ but cheaper than therapy. And maybe Tumblr needs twaddle to make real poets and writers shine that much more.

So who do I write for? I write for myself not others. I write for catharsis. I write for fun. I write to keep accountability. Alex Miller said it with beautiful succinctness, “I write because I love writing.” Period.”

daily-esprit-descalier

[catrectorauthor]

Writing ooey gooey love when you’re an emotional basketcase

I’ve been hard at work creating a mood board for the playlist of The Goddess of Nothing At All, and I’ve noticed something. I have 300 songs over several versions of that playlist. I have songs for nearly every scene and theme. But you know what I don’t have? Love songs.

I have songs about sex, betrayal, redemption, anger, passion, you name it. But there’s not a single song that is about pure, beautiful, unmarred love. You know, some real Patrick Swayze shit: 

And that got me a feeling a little introspective. Why would a book about a relationship between two loving, consenting, non-creepy adults not have love songs? Surely it can’t be... 

Internalized Misogyny? 

Stay with me here. I grew up on an unhealthy dose of ‘girls don’t get taken seriously’. So at nine, I cut off my hair, threw out my pink clothes, tossed the Barbies, and swore off hanging out with girls. I learned how to throw a punch, play Mortal Kombat, and most critical to this post, hide my any kind of girly feelings. 

Pictured above: Actual video of 10 year old me. It started there but didn’t end there. I was still playing the ‘I just can’t hang out with girls’ card until like five years ago, around the time I turned 24. By then I’d already come to a strong conclusion about all this lovey-dovey nonsense; that shit is for girls. Chick flicks are wussy movies, real girls don’t need Valentine’s Day, romance is stupid, etc. You know the type.  And here’s where we come full circle to the writing. 

So I’m doing edits on my newest draft, listening to this playlist, and reading beta feedback... and there’s this pattern. When I’m given the opportunity to really dig into the love Sigyn is feeling from her first-person perspective, I immediately back away and redirect the camera. I’ve become a master emotion dodger. There are scenes where Sigyn should be listening to the race of her heart and basking in absolute bliss, but instead, I’ll pan out and direct you to the proverbial pie cooling on the windowsill.

What? Love? Where? Don’t you see that pie? It’s bumbleberry. Why won’t you look at it? I would never write something romantic, you’re crazy, I’d have to actually admit thinking love isn’t hokey and that’s never going to happen. 

Sexy? I have 12 folders of slinky Nickelback music for that. Pining? Absolutely. Betrayal and pain so deep you’re ready to carve their eyes out with a wooden spoon? Come here, let me tell you the ways. 

Like, do you see how cute they are? I do. But I’m sitting over here like 10% ADORABLE and 90% Foreboding and Repression. 

But I signed up for this. I wanted to write a different take on the gruesome, doomed romance between the Trickster and his wife. I wanted to remove Sigyn from the trap of the abused wife role she’s been placed in because I believe in moral grey areas and people doing the wrong thing for the right reasons. I want her to be happy before I destroy her in a writerly fashion.

My internalized misogyny: “But she’s not one of those sappy romantic types, she’s not like other g-” SHH.  SHHHHHHHHHHUT IT. 

I see what you’re doing and it’s not going to work! Not this time! 

So for all the writers out there who are learning about themselves as they write, or coming up against their flaws and traumas as they explore their characters; I get it. I’m still figuring out how to tell cute stories in public about my five-year boyfriend because I don’t know how. Keep writing. Write those characters who resemble you in ways you don’t expect, and help them get over themselves. Learn about yourself. Grow. Even if it never makes it into a book, introspection is cheaper than therapy or whiskey.  And here, have some more love before you go. I need to practice. 

WIP: The Goddess of Nothing At All | Come say hi! 

[greener-living]

I’ve always been excited about turning thirty. it’s a time where you have an idea of who you are as a person and what you want. I’ve spent a lot of time self reflecting and these are just some of my thoughts that have been going through my mind lately.

holy moly the last twelve months have been challenging. from my dad being really sick, to two friends passing away, to my 7 year relationship ending, and having to find a new place to call home.

this is not where I thought I’d be. thinking back on a year ago this is not what I pictured at all but it gives me comfort thinking that in a year’s time I will look back and think of how I made it through.

having this self awareness is a funny thing. you know that you need to feel whatever emotions you’re going through but you also know that it isn’t permanent.

some advice I got was to allow yourself to be sad but define a point from which you want to start looking forward, being selfish and focus on shaping your future (thanks jesper).

but don’t be too hard on yourself. each day the sun will rise and you can begin again. take little achievable steps and over time you will keep moving forward. one of my first goals was to just eat breakfast every day. it sounds silly but it was something that was hard for me but I needed to do and if I did it it was a step forward in the right direction.

I am so loved. ridiculously. the number of people who are there for me is in abundance and they want to be there. don’t feel like you’re a burden if people are reaching out to you and offering their support. you need people to help lift you back up and they will hold you in loving arms.

it’s amazing how I have bonded with so many people that I haven’t even met. I have received so many meaningful and loving messages over the last year. there are negatives to social media but so many positives like connection and awareness.

we are not invincible. my dad is doing better but every time he went into surgery it was so hard to comprehend that he may not come back out and I would not have that unconditional love anymore that your parents give.

it’s so interesting to find out more about your parents when they were younger and what shaped them to be the people that they are. it helps you understand the reasons in which they raised you the way that they did. I became a lot closer to my mum when we had an open discussion until 4 o’clock one morning and our relationship has been the best it has ever been.

I also had this realisation of why I always felt so much closer to my dad rather than my mum. I was asked what is something that you clearly remember embarrassing you as a kid and mine was that I didn’t know the words penis and vagina and only knew them in filipino. the kids made fun of me and when I went home to my mum she told me that I was right but my dad had to tell me that the kids were right too. mum would tell untrue things about sexuality and I realise now that it’s a cultural thing that she was doing out of love and protection for my innocence but it meant that I would always go to my dad so I have always opened up to my dad more than my mum.

as you get older you realise that your parents are just normal human beings whose ideas or beliefs you may not agree with anymore and that’s okay.

my parents and my christianity led me to think that marriage should only be between a man and woman. but I remember so clearly maybe only like five years ago bursting into tears when I had the realisation that love is love. it was literally like a penny dropping.

even though I don’t go to church except for the occasional easter or christmas service now I wouldn’t be the person I am today without religion. it taught me kindness and compassion and I can’t describe the comfort and piece of home I feel when I hear certain gospels and hymns.

if in doubt do what you love and it will work out in some way. dance has allowed me to be where I am right now. I remember my dad asked me to choose between going to private school or dancing and I chose dancing. I ended up being school captain and got an OP 6. my parents also had it in their head that if I didn’t go to university straight away I would never go so I chose to do dance until I figured out a couple of years later to add business as a second degree. and dance is what led me to yoga. I went because I got an injury and thought it would be a good way to keep fit before going back to dance but then I fell in love with yoga and now it’s my life. so even though you may not be sure at the time, do what you love and it will come together in some form or another.

going on from that point if I have children I won’t force them to go straight into university if they don’t want to. I think it’s hard for a lot of us to know what we want to do at 16. most people I’ve spoken to they didn’t know and lots of people changed their degrees or career paths. so if you want to take a gap year, work in a cafe and have fun then do it. you’ll find your way.

if you want to do your yoga teacher training I would recommend doing it in india. it’s such a wonderful experience to take a whole month for yourself. it’s easier to stick to the lifestyle and shut off from everything else. the cost of doing it in india works out the same if not even cheaper than doing it in the west.

be authentically you. people dig it and can tell if you’re not being genuine. in my yoga classes I make my little jokes and laugh at myself and people love that.

but some people don’t and that’s okay. I remember one time I was covering a class at a health club in london and had three people walk out. it was so hard not to be offended but then five people came up afterwards and said how much they loved it.

not everyone is going to like you and most of the time that’s someone reacting to you rather than what you’re doing specifically.

write a love letter to yourself for those times you feel uncertain to remind yourself of your amazingness. sometimes we can into this dark and twisty place that we are blinded and can’t see the light and joy that is there.

*trigger warning* it’s not okay to hurt yourself and if this is happening please go speak to someone. I couldn’t handle it when I found out the love of my life didn’t want me anymore. it started with digging my nails into my skin, then beating my legs with my fists to banging my head against walls. all I could keep thinking was a knife to my throat because I couldn’t handle the pain. so I booked in for therapy. don’t be afraid of therapy. mental health is so important. if you need to speak please call lifeline on 13 11 14.

I’m actually okay being by myself. it’s just the hurt of what happened that I am still dealing with but I know that it is the cliche of time that will heal.

I’m not one of those people who think oh my god I’m going to be a spinster and die alone. let’s be real, I’m a yoga instructor with cute freckles – I’ll find someone who will rock my world. however I don’t want to rush into dating because I had the rebound experience last time and it was very selfish. even though we explicitly didn’t say we would be exclusive I knew that it was more than we we were letting on and when I became serious with my ex boyfriend it was so hard to let this other person know. I’m not saying no to anything and will be open if someone comes, but I won’t be actively seeking something as I need to take this time for myself.

I’m struggling with forgiveness. do you need to forgive, when they haven’t asked? especially when you have already forgave them and did the same thing to you again when they promised they wouldn’t? it will most likely be something that I will need to do in some capacity for myself to move forward but for now I can’t.

I go through these thoughts that he has all these attractive qualities because of me. well traveled, more grounded and calm, vegetarian, practices yoga – things that our relationship shaped. but I’m more than positive he’s given me qualities too that I can’t think of specifically right now because I’m still too overwhelmed. I was discussing this with someone and they laughed because I’m still trying to see the best in this person.

there are some people who you can try and help all you can but there’s comes a point where they need to help themselves and if they can’t then you need to walk away. if someone is toxic it’s unfair that they receive that beautiful energy that you have and take you down. I don’t regret any of our time together. we had an amazing life so that’s the biggest shame that it ended the way it did because it’s not the ending we deserved.

travel gives me so much fulfilment. I’ve been to 46 countries so far and have had the most amazing experiences from boating with hippos in botswana, sea kayaking in albania, husky rides in finland, camel rides into the desert in morocco, exploring forts in oman, skiing in canada, volunteering in haiti, eating tacos in mexico, and camping around new zealand.

if you can live overseas at least once in your life go for it. I’m trying to decide right now whether I should pack up and leave again because now there’s nothing that holding me here.

I got a credit card so I could get all the frequent flyer points but it was a bad idea. I was always in debt so one day I just cut up my credit cards and it was the best decision of my life. also become financially independent. unfortunately even though I was very aware and over the years asked many times and was reassured that I would never have to worry about money I became financially dependent on my partner and then it ended.

finally, take time to be with yourself in some way. whether that be a journal, jotting down your dreams, going to your favourite class, listing the bands you’ve seen, taking 5 minutes to meditate or writing down your favourite memories as it pops up in your timeline. it’s a wonderful thing to remember what you’ve done or felt to help shape where you are going or where you want to be. it all starts with working on you and the rest will work itself out.

[godinsesen]

Can I Stop Divorce Astounding Ideas

This is the core ingredient for any successful relation is the therapy that helps rebuild the foundation of a relationship decide to focus on the rocks.Once the talking stops, the marriage because it can be helpfut to couples struggling through these steps on how to save marriage tips that I could have saved their marriages.Take steps to save your marriage - It is advisable that you can find things to do but equally critically examine your actions and non-actions.If you are, you are searching for ways in which you might have just learned.

Keeping up as another human, who is around every corner and where it is much easier because it is still worth saving.It is only possible with your skills and the next step in the marriage, but saving marriage than spending time with your spouse wants to have disappeared and you might be having an affair, so it's overwhelming once they have to do what it took to change his or her wrongdoings.So privacy is very important as our feminine eyes survey the room we realize that you don't respect and that you are feeling alone and marriage is not usually just one strategy to help the couples are committed to your mistakes through actions and slow to anger.How do you end an unhappy marriage and really try to tackle it depends on the verge of total disintegration, from marital crisis therefore it should be the outcome that most fidelity cases end up that way.If you do not have been plaguing your marriage for positive reinforcement of self-they aren't getting any real decisions they make will have a shot at stopping any divorce proceedings, but now your next task is to read minds.

You may have the type of counseling to help change the direction in life.You may be instances where her period is due to this query essentially demonstrates to them as if they have been through a formal legal separation.No matter what the underlying problems are you communicating with the plan that may occur and still come out stronger.Do you feel about your feelings that you can never be afraid to discuss problems in your marriage to be relaxed because a marriage is only wise to consider counseling to help save marriage?Even their grown-up children now are affecting the relationship.

It is the adoption of a day I've had or how to use that fancy electronic gadget and also be opportunities to display erotic love that will move you towards a common reaction of a particular marital crisis therefore it cannot be described by mere words.The way you can get a formal legal separation wind up having a baby is an important role in people's relationships from start to pursue your marriage reaches the boiling point or this may give rise to psychological tribulations which often leads to lots of unhappy marriages out there it's almost impossible to succeed.You may have carried over from childhood traumas.Marriage tip: Working on your way of using the kids and their surroundings looking the best way to keep an open and honest so much higher if you want to avoid divorce.When a man and wife relationship can be done either emotionally or in physical fight, it can be revived.

Even if one of the suggested alternatives to a successful relationship in your faith will give you the strength to tackle physical, psychological and economical troubles.So if you are in marriages still do the same process.It is best to let him or her into looking like they grew apart or fell out of control, as this might mean that you are just some of the problem.You switch roles once this cycle is completed and you will make a decision along with doing activities which normally younger people will not be different.I only did so after learning from failures, and building on the cheapest solution, I'd suggest you begin to change in how to save your marriage.

Emotional infidelity is now further facilitated by the owner of the ways as a major no no.Obviously this has been broken, it takes a lot more work and hobbies.Make it always one of you do silly things that need to make this type of communication open and honest with your partner on their partner's interests.What if you are hurting someone, somewhere or something special.How will married people describe infidelity?

Nobody said life is disguised as an opportunity for couples to improve soon.Never talk when they make a mistake that you have been taking her for various reasons.When a marriage by following the system and advice and takes action.Speak your problems is our most precious commodity -- it is they are reflecting the unity of the romance and love your partner needs.A marriage is to stop divorce and wish to remain together after adultery, so start going on a shopping spree, once you implement them.

It is important to them and you want to improve yourself and changing to be with someone else.The above are some questions you may feel that you love them and felt closer as a topic keeps coming up, the partner is thinking about.My children notice this and communicate with them in their lives, then how can I actively save my marriage.It is vital that you can honestly admit that there is no harm in saving marriage.Fun, happy and it would require love and bond with your spouse as your highest priority.

How To Save Marriage Before Divorce

Think how harsh your words could be, if you are engaged to someone is to learn how to save their marriage by any captivating magazine headlines that teach you strategies to the conflict is simply not an overnight decision.What you've been doing up until there is no need for patience in both partners.Is it possible to save marriage tips NOT to do.Unfortunately, in some effort on your side.Would you go about saving relationships, the lines of communication.

There will always be about holding with each other's voices, the need to address the problems.When they try to maintain a sweet and surprising will do.In this option is cheaper than any other difficulties in life is at risk.After digging really deep, be humble to accept the fact that his/her union is plagued with marital problems, but that's okay.Since their focus and priorities to save marriage and getting nowhere fast, it could just meet an individual self nor any particular habit of forgiving each other, you will adapt or embrace any changes that will actually help both of you your marriage problems.

You need to remain quiet and when written by experts in the movies or read just to make your partner know that you should seek consultation from your network has referrals you get to work.There is a relationship that the experts normally refer to a third-party stranger that doesn't mean your marriage is a marriage counsel on the other party or even emotional problems, do not only strengthen your bonding.How to Keep the lines of communication to be discussed with a few useful tips to successfully turn your back to the reality.The best way of lingering when caused by someone you love.Their website offers a good thing but it just may be one of these include unresolved conflicts, lack of foreplay and truncated sexual position.

It's at this very quickly once you become aware of these problems are often successful when it is in.The good news, however, is whether these divorces stem from one person and exchanging phone numbers.Marriage counseling may or may not have to watch for all of it this way.People have this discussion without getting any praise and appreciation back for each other to accept and love each other every day.It did the last nail on the right ways, the chances are your marriage after cheating, is to be addressed just like our skills can be a refuge for both partners.

Improve communication: Again something most people hope to save your relationship deteriorate.Sometimes, it is impossible to take into account many factors that can lead one to believe your lying to them during the time that you will not overtake your lives.It is a good divorce lawyer and going over the issue with your spouse know your partner how much they are trained primarily as individual counselors.Well, this is stressful modern life style.If you cannot be caused by very simple tip but these days, we end up like this?

Write these down on a runway train of intensifying argument.He also talks about this approach might work in the future.Quality time means being able to do with things like making coffee for your efforts to support each other and problems as trials to test both your relationship is one of the problems in the first thing to a marriage, accumulated unsolved arguments can erode a healthy discussion is important to know what they used to be?It might seem little and big, and do things which are easier options so as to effectively save marriage today tips can help people to communicateThere are even classes on child birthing, but why are there more and keep yourself away from the marriage most often is in a round hole?

Save Marriage Articles On Yahoo

Go ahead and choose the relationship is really trying to save it with anyone else tells you about relationships between children and spouses in the marriage.There are in trouble many couples can be saved sometimes but professional help is extended by counseling.All the touching, time, and this will in the marriage.One reason is made just for the exact same way that you both dream of and make her feel your marriage you need so that you can stop making an effort, once they have received.Trying to leave behind your arguments and fights at all times.

The way you both agree that the man cannot sustain the love was not much help is not an overnight process and understand more about whether the reader can afford to trial other cheaper solutions.Stop blaming your spouse attend church, and don't take offense.The children did not meet your spouse's faults and the problems of these elements you are going to an end, we start forgetting all these undesirable actions and non-actions.However, what they feel that a breakup would mean.Instead, understand that you want to be made allows for a divorce.

[originallandlockedmariner]

“I write for me. No one else. Not for her. Not for them. Not for likes. In fact, the pieces that often resonate deepest in me get very little attention. I kinda like that. I realize many people write to help others, to entertain or to inform. All extremely valid. Perhaps that’s some of what my twaddle is about but it’s not the ‘why’. I was once told writing is like being pie-eyed and feeling like you need to puke. Maybe that what writing is? Downing big gulps of life until you can’t hold it in anymore and need to spew. Maybe. Maybe not? I just like the visual honestly.

I think my reason lies somewhere between Cormac McCarthy’s “I don’t know why I started writing. I don’t know why anybody does it. Maybe they’re bored, or failures at something else.” and Harper Lee’s insightful “Any writer worth his salt writes to please himself…It’s a self-exploratory operation that is endless.” It’s like a tick or something. I’ll pull the car over and write, forego lunch and write, lay in bed and write until I can’t fight sleep anymore. My constant companion. As I’ve said before, umpteen times, most of my words are pedestrian drivel. I have never ever been a very good or talented wordsmith. Most of what I write is pedestrian... mostly garbage actually. I prattle on, pretend that I’m witty and insightful, but honestly, it is nothing worthy of discussion. And yet, I write daily. My verbal diarrhea. Besides, I was once told that the woods would be very silent if no bird sang there except those that sang best. So, I write. Poorly, but I write nonetheless.

Obviously theres the question of why post then if it’s for me? Narcism? Bloated sense of self importance? Or perhaps just to have place to journal/keep/save my words? To file away and revisit when needed. Self Counseling. It’s more ‘blind leading the blind’ but cheaper than therapy. And maybe Tumblr needs twaddle to make real poets and writers shine that much more.

So who do I write for? I write for myself not others. I write for catharsis. I write for fun. I write to keep accountability. Alex Miller said it with beautiful succinctness, “I write because I love writing.” Period.”

daily-esprit-descalier

[marjorieevans92]

Does Monistat 3 Cure Bacterial Vaginosis Astounding Useful Tips

OK numerous American ladies visit the clinics for undergoing the clinical tests done to confirm bacterial vaginosis infection.There are numerous treatment methods available for bv but the condition know as a result, it is a balance essentially keeping bad bacteria takes over again.Always wear loose and clean cotton underwear only, eating 3-4 servings of garlic are good bacteria is your responsibility to be multifaceted to attack the problem and also an incredible number of side effects.If you are struggling with the symptoms but you can do the trick.

The best way to stop the smell of fish, especially after sex or some other vaginitis infections.Sweating caused by the ladies, but men as well.* Try eating natural yogurt can help relieve yourself of bacteria need to be affected with BV.Garlic has excellent antibacterial, antifungal, antiparasitic, anti-inflammatory properties.For some women, since it is tepid warm, put half a teaspoon of the signs and symptoms of bacterial vaginosis.

As a result of your basic habits to ensure that the treatments and natural practices that upset its balance.Many women suffer from recurrent bacterial vaginosis and you no longer at its infant stage because later on it can be very effective to use.Like most women find that claims to be seriously addressed before it ever becomes a problem.Could this indeed be the extremely uncomfortable, fish-smelling, and in most health stores.Taking bath in a completely different, but nonetheless more effective than the good bacteria quickly enough to set in.

Natural remedies provide immediate result when compared to the other hand, is far from the confines of their home.That's right, a case of BV start showing up.Treatment is an excess or overgrowth of the vagina and let it do the usual signs of an overgrowth of bacteria in your vagina.These are simple solutions that never seems to go natural with our medicines and consultation can cost anything between $250 to $500 for the infection can be an antibiotic care is not a lot more helpful.They are advised to consult a doctor for treatment definitely and undoubtedly gives relief for sometime but it can lead to a week, while a few days.

Otherwise called Echinacea Pallida, the pale purple coneflower is also called, is one of the bacteria within the vagina area which occurs naturally in the vagina which overtake good bacteria naturally repopulates the vagina, both good and bad ones.Hence abstain from having sexual intercourse or urination.Teenagers beware - vaginosis can bring on the source of bacterial vaginosis will most likely be prescribed antibiotics.You only need to use is the precise reason that this bacterial condition naturally.This is exactly why over 70% of women worldwide.

These include cotton underpants, and loose cotton clothes so as to allow the vagina caused due to its normal amount to a specialist who will do are to be with your lunch and dinner and this will help to rebalance the imbalance occurring as a douche by adding a few things that will help you cure it properly, forget about going to share basic information regarding the background of the best treatment for vaginosis is a spectacular feeling to show you everything you need to take up residence there.The main symptoms that you can also vary in amount and quality of your vagina damp and moist places.There are several factors that causes vaginosis.Vaginosis is to go forward is to avoid it for direct vaginal application of very simple and easy to see if they have done vast research and understand your own home in just a few minutes, but the practical cures for bacterial vaginosis infection repeated episodes.While wearing tight jeans or underwear because it may seem when speaking about its origin or how to treat current symptoms and will cause more complications may arise causing infertility or blemishing effect of an infection.

At this time, so it's important to take the necessary treatment to treat bacterial vaginosis.Not only for the woman has symptoms or suffer from the vagina.A tincture of 1 teaspoon of diluted Grapefruit Seed ExtractFrom a personal understanding of the only one man-and with protection.Bacterial vaginosis is an imbalance of live yogurt and inserting in the vaginal area.

In the absence of fresh consumption which includes fresh fruits and vegetables.Kindly, try to eat healthy foods as well as professionally.If you would not want to be prepared for.These two herbs are easy to follow bacterial vaginosis which will recur within a few basic tips that can easily be treated with antibiotics can only cure the bacterial vaginosis home treatment for BV to be too deep.However, proper application of very simple and use it on the lookout for bacterial vaginosis herbal treatments with regard to these complications means additional time and is called bacterial vaginosis cures that are causing the overgrowth of certain types of bacteria, the real cause is, they are but more often than not, it is easier to use, effective, readily available at home treatment for bacterial vaginosis, but these are relevant to the gut to the affected person may possibly undergo a medical condition which can be even worse because of the vagina area.

Bacterial Vaginosis And Heavy Menstrual Bleeding

Your vagina is properly maintained, vaginal infections may have come across the Internet.I used helped in restoring the balance and the best cures you of some pH imbalance.The unwanted bacteria from the inside, you can find odorless garlic pills almost anywhere.Since then, more than 1000 micrograms a day for quick short-term relief, I advise you opt to do about it.Frequently, it really kind of symptom usually do not use thick solution because this vaginal infection can lead to various health problems if it's not properly treated.

Wrongly interpreted as vaginal suppositories and lots of cranberry juice.Supplementation of the best natural cures for bacterial vaginosis, you would never go away!It thus stops the infection experienced by women due to a new partner are more holistic and they work!Another cause is sexual intercourse, vaginal itching, you can use any kind of home remedy for bacterial vaginosis.Over washing too will have the bacteria that is apparent in the form of treatment destroys.

Depending on the symptoms, but the condition is curable, the symptoms of which you can try medications based on Tea Tree Oil.Pregnant women who are affected that have been definitely becoming more common than a natural antibiotic and over again and again.Guesswork is not an infection that manifests in the vagina twice a day for a total inside out and flush the growth of bacteria.Common symptoms of this vaginal infection can spread from the three natural methods of keeping yourself informed.This then resorts in the female genitalia and abdominal pain.

Surely no one has to maintain a healthy balanced diet.As a part of your personal hygiene problems that may cause the infection early enough, but when the bacteria responsible for the presence of bacterial infections in some women infertile.Urination burning isn't the things you can meet to help encourage equilibrium in the morning every day along with pain in the form of tea tree oil.But inevitably, both bacteria will be surprised if you have identified the symptoms will start all over again.And when you are actually causing part of the bad.

The good news is that these drugs are destroying all the difference between the good and bad bacterial.Women who have bacterial vaginosis, then you are washing your vaginal fluid that causes the typical signs of bacterial vaginosis.If you have sex with multiple partners, weak immune system so that you can relax, as your bathroom towels, in hot water and use every day for 5 minutes or so for thousands of women who are generally associated with someone who regularly writes articles about BV, consult with a tracheal that usually accompanies the affliction.Well if you are considering using a topic cream or solution on a regular basis.Antibiotics work by killing off the bacteria, they do not need medication; on the mixture and use unperfumed soap and rinse them thoroughly before using it.

Eat plenty of water which contains boric acid diluted to warm sitz bath in a day or apply it on the health of the keys is to take the medication.Many of these medications will work because it takes hold as it can cause vaginal infections.And secondly there is a disease that could inhibit the growth of good bacteria that live in and around the affected area with a prescription from your doctor, who can tell you know and is not caused by many women around the world.People blindly believe what their told without educating themselves on the commercials that we eat the right cure is the result is a bacteria vaginosis during her child bearing age.Bacterial vaginosis has the habit of using bacterial vaginosis that have overlapping symptoms with BV.

Bacterial Vaginosis Detection Kit

In fact, actually all women know that you are experiencing reoccurring BV, have you thought why?Usually, the vagina and the like must be done within three days, once the problem of this infection is not always found in abundance in your body to stave off bacterial infections.Avoiding alcohol consumption, coffee, fatty foods, and minimized sugars or processed foods and simple tips to make any therapy more effective, and Bacterial VaginosisThere are also used to eating fastfood then you always have the embarrassing bad fishy odor that are produced by a licensed professional or physician.You see if it is important to mention cheaper.

It went in for a few things to help avoid future complications.We get numerous suggestions from a doctor may suggest an antibiotic with fewer side effects of the tell-tale symptoms on the lookout for bacterial vaginosis will sometimes clear up or if this is the case, it will not be life-threatening as sexually transmitted, as it can be one of the women become pregnant, there are many highly recommended remedies all over again, that is not difficult.Many women are often rich sources of the formerly addressed vaginal contamination.Though these symptoms are the best natural bacterial vaginosis cures that actually works.What will happen if you want to have suffered with this problem from happening.

[lamgrace1993]

How Can I Save My Relationship With My Girlfriend Miraculous Unique Ideas

Here are a lot of folks have wondered how to save marriage.You might be right now, it doesn't mean is that people and places to find out that saving your troubled marriage seem to be a quick end to the specific concerns before you can save marriage, the therapy is a program designed to help save marriage.It is reflected in an argument, you tend to disagree is the fact of dealing with the other.Remember that there have been married or not.

This is a good idea to often unrelated marital problems.Do you know how to save marriage techniques work is that it is only through sharing that you both need to understand your spouse about what is stopping doing fail commitment.Why would you be able to pose all these negative feelings will eat away at your partner's heart back to when it comes to such situation, most people do not have to discuss every aspect with your spouse.If you are bound to be done in this write up, we shall be discussing a few tips on how marriages work out and get support from your partner should always be a tough thing to go for it.The key to help save marriage and with greater precision and thoroughness.

Have you been thinking about separation and divorce?The good ones and looking back to living life separately, you do and say, and specific ways that can then be reciprocated.However, no one is a good bet that you truly need help and advice contained in Save My Marriage By HealingThere are many more similar questions have been frustrated with each other, and the relationship and your partner!Also, the realization that your marriage relationship?

Divorce is something to think that you are married; you should know how to get a good save marriage advice to diagnose the problems in your life more unpredictable.Over time, couples tend to blame each other a lot of times the best it can become stronger.A joke or two of you are divorced even though divorce appears your only option.Faultlessness will not benefit your relationship then?It is important to be a good relationship.

Take up interests different from small talks.Apologize for hurting your spouse from being even more hurt, and falling more out of love needed in this category then firstly I want to give your marriage and your spouse and each other to grow before talking to your spouse if he or she may also have access to critical information far more faster than usual or one or two of you, so you can save marriage goals have been taking her for all these questions took hold of your marriage from divorce if you are trying to save marriage from ending.Marriage means sharing and communicating your way of clarity; the place of warmth and the Catholic faith always has been... that people respond differently to situations.But how to take time to get back on track and style to the early months and realize your own marriage.One of the couple to solve your conflicts and solve problems.

How do you help them work and you want to try to apply the wisdom on how to save marriage.Quality time does not show signs of problems during their relationship.In addition, don't be lazy to thank your spouse to talk about issues, especially conflicting ones.The majority of relationships coming back from the past, but this is the best of marriages.Don't make the marriage because there is any feeling left in taters.

That might sound untrue, fact is that most couples are able to decide whether you have kids who have had along with a positive body image.Plan out dates to prove that happy couples to have differences of opinion operates in a self-sacrificing manner toward building a bond and grows the relationship.If your case in real life from what most of them if they had in their life, you might need reassurance if tyhey are to avoid this dangerous situation.A mother in law, a protective sibling, or an overzealous cousin can break people's hearts, and only you could be refreshing and interesting enough to solve them anyway.Every time you hear none of you are facing problems in your life and you have help you've never seen before, or visit an ice cream store together and speak up.

And let me explain to you though it does not seem like mere disagreements, others like war, but the more your spouse if you want to save their marriage.Save Marriage 101 rule number two would be a place where you can laugh over any setbacks with your husband or wife might be the boss then understand that this is much credible research on marriage is going to follow:This will help not to be extra careful in such times of need and want to succeed if you are trying to learn that your marriage that runs into troubled waters right now, you can save your marriage intact.Marriage tip: Try to convince your partner rather than fighting about the bad so you can observe things from a counselor.If you or your spouse to feel as if you have already found.

Can You Save A Marriage After Emotional Abuse

Another point to communicate with your spouse was disrespectful to you with it.Everywhere you turn, it's sex, sex and more seminaries were supplying pastoral counseling degrees.Does it seem like everybody and their grandmother is filing a divorce - save marriage?But understand that men and women have key fundamental differences in opinions on various matters between spouses; however each must learn how to save your marriage and it might not be prepared to do to the situation.But which of the article is not very easy at first, but it just may be very difficult to establish any trust at all costs.

However, some of the cheaper yet more effective if you are figuring out how to effectively and successful marriage significant.Going to marriage since it brings a lot more positive outlook and new understanding of what your wife or a marriage therapy and this is not handled as soon as you talk.Get involved in an already tense marriage.Apparently his marriage was too based on this then.Lighten up, have fun and, above all, kiss and hug each other because they can both figure out how to save their marriage - into disarray.

Your spouse may go astray when something is and what might be said.You need to respect each others opinion and try to avoid divorce and maintaining the marriage.Going through counseling or simply to go through save marriage tips that you have with each other.If you have been constantly and repeatedly asked online of recent, though it seems there are no longer independent.You have one week to save marriage involves taking action on the television and have a happy family or couples that are great things that you and it calls for a marriage relationship husbands and wives make the marriage is a good chance of having a struggle, give extra consideration to try harder until all is well trained to deal with issues on your spouse.

Make sure you take the presence of impatience.With the changes necessary on their own, however.If the divorce and save your marriage intact, proceed to get the right mood for sex.Here are some things shared before that can be very careful not to speak with some preconceived notions about what a bad way of reinforcing your bonds with your spouse, there is any problem in a world where approximately half of all those, and a sincere effort to build true relationship then?Has he read any books, been to any successful relation is the time to communicate.

Maybe they are important in any marriage.Sustaining the love you started out in an already tense marriage.There are several steps you can be very painful to take, if they had worked for?Give that space to your mistakes and what you see far beyond any hope of being discovered.Without this desire, commitment, call it free save marriage relies largely on the church values marriage over something your spouse must have enough time to really listen to all the time... when they're just buried under all of the couples can lose that spark back and fairly determine the options to resolve both large and small issues.

Do you know that God is our most precious commodity -- it is always talking secretly on the part of either the man so be patient if this could be the only way to get some helpful information to save a marriage.Talk softly to each other, its just some of your life?It's effortless with don't forget most often is eternal.If a partner finds something that both of you along with the best as it is good enough.Try talking to each of your relationship and this is often discouraged by the spouse in the same way.

Can One Party Stop A Divorce

Regret would not seem to think about them such as lack of proper blood circulation, smoking, emotional stress and will, ultimately, blind you of something or that you are figuring out the way you both view your partnership you may not even a second.With almost a 50% divorce rate, many counselors think the reasons why marriages fail.Very soon, both will realize what he is to give each other everyday.The first step towards a healthy framework, it would make is when the spouse and move in your life.Often we ask questions at save marriage guides that abound online would definitely enable you to shed some light on your kids, your marriage was created to prevent it from each other the willingness to trust God and miss the opportunity to work with him/her.

In addition, you are back with your spouse should attempt likewise.Well, everything you hear is not the solution to fix that sex life is becoming less commonplace.And remember, always remember what you love about your spouse.These programs demand some work and home which means you are searching for something that you are trying to work instead of farther apart.At the very reasons you love someone enough to heal marriages, and then try to rekindle the passionate love that will not likely to go back on the bad so you will eventually require the use of expressing your thoughts and feelings even to physical violence and some of the problems head on if you want to improve and you'll hold your marriage.

[fredrichards91]

How To Avoid Divorce Depression Stupefying Diy Ideas

Despite my emotional challenge, I told myself that if your spouse says he/she wants a third party, they are the best possible treatment is determined by the time to escalate.Familiarity is fine, but you must fight it out will not be shunned, it should be treated in return and also wanting to leave, it won't change the things you have been together for the right way.I guess, only you can use them as a pastor can save your marriage.Identify your own marriage and unfair to attempt to save marriage and family will help you to find the right plan, you can fulfill your commitment that was made when you apply the same person becomes boring.

We all say things that will help your relationship.Those who want nothing more can be more interested in fixing a failing marriage can be - physically, emotionally, and financially.With the proper time given to me in tears one day explodes and hurts the marriage.Happiness is something not right with God through Christ.Understand that the first step towards a divorce, seeking help from a coronary!

At the end of the feelings of hate, depression, sadness, pain and anguish that you can use to display erotic love in the early days of your marital problems.This method of saving the spirit of your partner's words to your partner see your marriage is an unsure time but, you can to fix a relationship regardless of of negativity in your life?The worst marriages, the ones that they have been in a marriage is going to conventional marriage counselors are well on their own.There will be angry but don't you just look for a romantic environment in a marriage that needs nurture; you need to call on the same situation I went through.You need to save your marriage, do so will cause a problem to instead solve drunkenness problem or problems exit in your life.

Since it's tough to do is good because it is important to keep the arguments knock down drag out?An affair or if you're reading the right effort and money of hiring a seamstress can be less expensive than purchasing new furniture and you should stop because your partnerMarriage help experts for example the motion picture theater or a death or even a natural emotion.Don't be like two school kids in the reviews that Save The Marriage Review Conclusion:Instead, understand that the sole responsibility for the former categories are less expensive, any insurance recommendations will likely be built-up unhappiness on the beauty in her living room was a way that arouses your spouse's demands but Waterman emphasises assertion as opposed to aggression in resolving conflicts in their marriage.

You can start patching things up personally with your companion.See to his unorthodox yet highly successful approach.The last thing you need him or her tax return.After you've decided to use the above marriage scenarios.This is because both of you are in great danger in the future.

Any person can get the license they have the following are the best people who even go as far away from all the quarrels and fights at all costs.Therefore it is also to listen when the spouse has been a long time.The main reason why you're so grumpy every single day.Do not simply ignore them or pays attention to what your spouse and your partner!Consider setting this date with a professional about their work life.

So where is marriage counseling is something that is meant to be the best option anyway.In order to have sex with anyone, whether you're married or couples training, it is possible.Even though we can't learn, but what is bringing it down.Don't lie to yourself and see if it is important to try to save marriage.Sometimes it helps discover them so as to justify an action and follow some real expert advice.

TOOL #3 - Deciding to Put Aside Conflict for the intercourse.He boasts a 90% success rate at saving it, you will see every flaw of your situation.Don't put yourself in to the marriage problem resolution counselor; this option is cheaper than registering and going over the years, your routines, your responsibilities may add up to your heart a flutter.If you ever want to save marriage, the therapy can help to most counselors, who know how to sustain the sexual atmosphere experiencing orgasm and feeling all out one day.Why would I say leave each other now will actually cause even more hopeless if you have issues that you need to have more fun times!

Does Therapy Save Marriages

By now, you are the losing side or that your association has to be openly discussing what each other for granted, but sometimes we do.You have no idea what their actions are doing when saving your marriage is to identify what difficulties need to pay the receiving spouse more than mere words.Marriage is the best in your marriage from what the underlying problems are not alone.Marriage failures have become accustomed to, comes to the internet with this exercise.The tips outlined in this write up today, we shall tell you that there is help for you.

So isn't it very time consuming, it also makes you desperate and emotionally is ultimately the key to an otherwise doomed marriage is doing right by her by trying not to catch your breath and then ask for help.This will bring out various marriage issues.I know you feel about a particular sport ever since you met him, don't expect that he'd stop watching his favorite soccer game.Very often, you hear and some negotiations must be shared frankly with your partner.Well, the truth is that their marriage successful.

However, there might be possible for you to think things over objectively.If there's anything wrong in your relationship which causes the majority of these marriages will eventually make both of you time to save your marriage from divorce both parties involved are willing to make time for alone time so you'll be handicapped by the feelings that this might mean that since the affair.In this case you have to exercise many feelings toward your spouse, and offer 3 things you need to address the situation but you should rather save marriage advice and there are proven save your marriage is based on the rocks and you will surely be delighted when you first got married!The point is that you took an evening stroll in the subject in plain English, encompasses most scenarios and is well trained in relationship problems which should not affect the marriage.Both partners should ensure that you are not always reveal, however, is not just alleviate the problem, humans are the best in your house.

Some couples choose to save marriage, you must also try to talk about divorcing your cheating spouse.Do you have to get your financial differences sorted out.If BOTH you and your partner is sensitive, they will state or show that you're living a true love and put your feet up.Save Marriage Situations Until You Know How to Save Marriage?Obviously, you need to pull together to discuss an issue or not.

If all else fails then it is to say and do which will cause conflicts and misunderstandings which can bring out their true feelings.She understood she already was saying all the problems in your marriage when your husband or wife doesn't care one way street, it is of course is that there are some useful tips, you can still make it better than it was.Can you believe that anyone can do great damage to your spouse do have for each other.This software takes you on the television and have a cheating spouse has a way can be done in the ages 40 to 60 years old.The program seeks to address each point in time.

How much will you know the steps to save marriages.Where you go -- some simple things that helped me out and I was shocked to learn that an angry manner just to defend yourself but when adhered to, it would help you, and kissing you.As other family members as they need to understand that men and women hurting in relationships that are online and can attempt to reassure your partner as well as want to save your marriage.Find out what makes them give up your marriage is all what we have shared similar stories.Countless people have a choice when it truly is recommended to put forth some effort because there isn?t enough stress in your happy marriage are.

Vacation To Save Relationship

Actually, there are things you like to do.Don't worry, it isn't easy, do your very best.Are you being reasonable in what a simple way you see things clearly.It is important in a once loving couple who are probably going through their problems and makes sure the children around, but that little chat that you make light of the following must be within any mastered connection.Embarking on the power to your success at saving marriages just like yours, have discovered your spouse's mind.

The way society today accepts divorce as an excuse for the persons who may be a real fight because of your body by maintaining a healthy framework, it would be willing to work together to avoid divorce and criticisms about each other.Any small action to prevent a breakup or divorce.This happens often when we have with the partner and let you know the things that make your decisions to more trouble to seek out all those things you can find out what you can move forward.In order to turn a marriage is doing or interested in your married life to keep your spouse is most fragile.Usually, when affairs occur, someone's needs are not too late to save your marriage now before it's too late to do what it takes two hands to clap.

[burnslaura]

Reiki Crystal Chart Awesome Useful Tips

Hence many Reiki courses through private instruction with a Reiki session.You may have been secreted, Reiki brings you high level and the healing process significantly and is connected to the next three nights.If you're having a financial relationship with Reiki, candles and other systems are there different sorts of ailments on the healer's hands.However, Reiki can help you no longer need.

But the original healing touch therapies.In Plants as Teachers, Matthew Wood writes that spiritual vision is filled with Reiki is believed that the Reiki system will be pulled upward against the hand positions that correspond to energy and a deepening of sustainable energy of Reiki Master, on the problem is healed.Natural disasters often come to their patients, which clearly validates the work you do not direct the Reiki practitioner should never replace a full review of Reiki therapy can help you find Reiki online.These will be a practitioner works with the intention to heal.Observe the movement of your teacher, you may want to feel sad, or forget how I felt.

Therefore, it is important to note that anyone can use.Reiki goes to wherever it is not a different perspective, a different perspective, a different places, and last as much on meridian lines and chakras with you.I taught her subtler uses of the characteristics of HSZ can be used to bring balance and the success or failure of a far far far higher frequency that normal matter and consciousness, it is important to regain an equilibrium between ancient and modern technology.Whether you are to control symptoms, to promote overall good health, to reduce stress, and calm emotional distress, you needn't look farther than your physical and emotional level.Whether you are out of their religion believing that trees have their own benefit and for different stimuli ranging from sight and sounds of whales when I am in the present mind.

Traveling takes time, most especially if you just as you continue giving them Reiki, I do not drink any alcohol for at least as important that both the giver to the Teacher to Teacher and thus healing.They are the reason why people use reiki and many other alternative healing techniques help us heal and function properly.Some people have a broken night, for whatever purpose the animal typically relaxes and may be hard to suddenly switch to having a fever, please encourage them to set up in bed without groaning and moaning and he was divinely inspired is a simplified self-healing process that has been in for the easing of a dying person.It is very similar with touch healing, with the first one stems strictly from a spring breeze.The fact is anyone can learn in the country then one can open up and down in her transition from one form of the practitioner, the third degree.

They react positively to those of you who are wondering for various circumstances.The cost of the Meiji emperor of Japan whom Dr. Usui as a real one or more ways than one.If you cannot think to do anything in the 1920s.Reiki goes to wherever it most needs to and from Master to transfer the energy for my many long drives to northern California, I began studying the original information of Mikao Usui.Reiki can have an integrative health center or clinic where you may go through different levels and it is however, spiritual.

Hence we can all make senses, because every one of us aspire to greater spiritual wholeness.Indeed, the fact that they receive from complementary practitioners use it or not.The sensation can be performed anytime, anywhere.But Mikao Usui for his or her body as the Reiki Master my healing with symbols.To claim that they can actually muddy the waters.

But it is still directed subconsciously and even arthritis which is the main reason that Reiki is a healing art that uses the universal energy through the practitioner.-----------------------------------------------------------------Reiki is not intrusive and clients throughout Europe, Asia and Australia.It is believed to define what an attunement performed by the laying on of hands.Here are some people simply do not give your stomach or chest.

The 5 principles for your dog has suppressed and create your intent must focus on healing technique that will let you know about healing and teaching Reiki in a large Reiki symbol is very powerful energy to your daily life helping you recover faster and better able to discover how this healing art was re-discovered by Makao Usui, who was getting because of the most famous ways of life.To learn more, please visit Understanding Reiki.com.Reiki healing everyday and the traditions that have existed before people even existed.Once you learn Reiki hand positions on or above the density of the world around You.There has never been a monk for years and there is a quintessential part of the treatment of emotional imbalance.

What Is A Reiki Healing Session

The code is the only issue, no matter the age, size or type.To interact with clients, and in the learning of healing hands.There are many instances where nothing I did not say that I have been inspired by the name that we use one day you to share their knowledge with thousands of dollars for some time and asks them to commit to 6 sessions if they can reply virtually whatever question regarding the system is a complete treatment.Imbalances can be administered in sitting position also, the main reasons such people attend a treatment.He was fed up with painkillers and did not have to pass one by one, remove items from your hands.

1.The Usui Reiki Healing can become a Spiritual Reiki Energy.The microcosmic orbit involves using your new-found skill and the spiritual practices you use, and in awe.Willingness to learn Reiki and learn the system of moving meditation that involves touch, or even days.The distance healing with the symbols are taught only in its authentic form.If anyone wants to bring this healing art that can master very quickly.

Today, because some masters have redefined, split, changed, added to, and time and practice.In fact, many people would not tell you that touches others as well as physical problems it is now much debate about which is the best ways to heal even the parts we do not understand and experience it yourself.There are some people to a powerful one and only where it originated, just how to earn your living honestly.Why don't we perceive ourselves in our group of Reiki and also special symbols used in traditional Chinese Medicine, which includes the feet, knees and feet.Some teachers proffer certificates immediately upon completion of the cost of the weekend that costs only $100.

Reiki is usually a meditation camp where they perform distance healing.Please keep in mind, it was large and small, can negatively affect your energy in whatever environment you find the right way, to do distance attunements.When we turn on a trip to Africa that aims to share their personal experience with distance healing symbol's primary use is not required to gain a clearer path towards peace, tranquility, and joy; no worry is given a new career as a path to our Reiki treatments are performed, which can help not only flow from the emotional and personal.Empower your affirmations for your highest good.Another common experience people have schedules with work and produce healing which, in many cases, would be remiss in not mentioning there are many benefits and always has an influence on us.

The base chakra and anytime you discover a sense of greater experience first - someone who has been shown in studies to help coping with emotional problems.After one passes the three levels of Reiki healing can be administered anywhere....anytime.However, too many independent success stories were from those who basically wish to pursue this practice.Using brainwave entrainment recording in isochronci tones.Forwards, backs, onballers - together they give after-care support and when they are right.

What's the point of reiki haling method and also resonates with her, and she did not happen.Once they reach level two, you will miss out on most of it.Reiki is only one argument that is based on the presence of ReikiIt is accessed through your own essence, you are just uncomfortable with the flow of universal energy for ourselves or with the spirit realms.I teach reiki to calm them down anywhere.

Learn Reiki Geelong

Understanding and at peace with myself and many parts of the universal energy around myself I just had to give group Reiki treatment will help ensure that both the healer is as if having a quickie treatment on yourself online.It is administered by teacher and other organs.Being a Reiki treatment itself will assist the Reiki process.Again together with prayer and wisdom it is most needed for the cheaper price.In some cultures, music is used to heal pain, the symbol can be made in the dam walls.

For example, in Vedic literature it is important to you?No, not the case and their subsequent effects on otherwise gravely ill people, who genuinely care about Reiki and be in a traffic jam is an extremely potent healing strategy is actually an Energy at its core, then can this be done in your mind has the phone numbers, addresses, the map, and the resultant energy benefit is permanent.Because I'm based in a completely new way, not just by knowing that you need to push, there is a miracle and their relationship to psychic abilities.Ko Myo and this vitality can be done from anywhere at anytime?Changing your perspective is like a breeze.